I chose to take the Fourth and turn it into a more personal holiday this year, deliberately driving out of the way to a very secluded (and windy!) park. I took the chance to explore tapping, or EFT (emotional freedom technique), as I began reading this book about two weeks ago but hadn’t found time to try tapping myself. Ok, so really I hadn’t made the time.
After using some of the scripts provided in the book, I chose to follow a tip and tap while talking. Yup, I had quite a long talk. Was there anyone around, you ask? Of course not. Just me, the wind, the ground (eventually, I moved to a bench), and this view:
There’s a point to this confession, of course. I learned that putting words to the swirl of issues/concerns/emotions that bubble below my skin is incredibly valuable. Because I was speaking, I was forced to be articulate (or moderately so, since I was my own audience) and had to be present with my thoughts. I began to feel what, I think, is the validation that I often am seeking when I confide in those closest to me.
The lesson of the day: don’t be afraid to talk to yourself. and listen to yourself, as well.
is good! At least, this time around. That doesn’t mean that the anxiety and nerves that normally accompany big changes are not floating around in the mix of emotions, but they’re not running the show.
Late this summer, I’m going to be moving to San Francisco. Why? Because it’s time for me to go back to school. To be more specific, I will be starting graduate school in the Fall for drama therapy. Had I been told one year ago that this would be happening, I’m not sure that I would have believed any of it. This a major shift in the course of my life.
The idea of pursuing a career (and I mean career, not just day job) that is not totally centered around my artistic life is scary, but also really exciting. When I was first putting my application together, I had a wonderful talk with a friend who is also a mentor to me. She completely understood and validated my need to re-focus my time and energy in a way that is helpful to others; with my personality, it has been remarkably easy to become overly self-critical, what with needing acting gigs to survive. I am looking forward to selecting projects solely on my level of passion/desire to participate, instead of taking things because of needing to be paid. (Although, realistically, the need to be paid isn’t going anywhere soon, especially with more student loans looming.)
Artists tend to need to be heard. Or seen. Basically, to make an impact. But for me, I am not certain that this is enough. There’s something in acting that makes it difficult to connect directly with the people you want to impact (the audience); and I do find myself missing those more direct dialogues/interactions.
So… a new chapter is beginning soon.
“You’ll find, my friend, that what you love will take you places you never dreamed you’d go.” (Angels in America)